survival

What better way to express freedom of
expression than by a contest in which you are
judged by a panel of inept judges and your
peers? Well here it is anyway, the guidelines
of the Survival of the Lewdest

To start, the contest will be the first of many
annual Survival of the Lewdest contests(or so
we hope). It will begin with ten of the most
promising writers out of the submissions we
receive. Each month the writer will be given a
"special" writing assignment. It may be a
keyword, a type of piece, anything within
reason that is decided by the editors. In other
words, we already have the ideas, we just
won't tell you. So writers should be well
versed, able to talk the pants off of anyone,
con men (or women), oddballs, any will do.
After the first month five writers will be
eliminated, thereafter, one per month will be
eliminated. Our decisions concerning
elimination will be based upon what the reader
has to say and what the eds have to say. We
take our reader's opinions above our own, so
it is important to get as many to vote for you
as possible. Sway them with promises of
candy, tell them they are beautiful, bribe your
friends to vote for you, do what you have to.
But no cheating, we'll know.

The grand prize winner will be hailed as "King
or Queen Fish". They will become our final
regular columnist for the period of one year
(12 months), with the opportunity to express
themselves in any way they see fit. After
which they will be retired as the very first in
our list of winners in Survival of the Lewdest.
If funds are available, we'll pass a token award
along to the winner and runner up. But here's
a clue, it probably won't pay your next house
payment.

At this time submissions for the contest are no
longer being accepted. Please check back
frequently for other contests and events. We
hope to see you in next year's batch of
submissions!

REMEMBER!

1) This contest will go on for five
months...
end of month 1--- 10 writers
become 5
end of month 2---- 5 writers
become 4
end of month 3---- 4 writers
become 3
end of month 4---- 3 writers
become 2
end of month 5---- 2 writers
become 1
end of month 6---- 1 writer starts
his/her 12 month monthly column.

2) Be ready for anything, this
contest is based on spontaneity.
There will be suprises, you have to
write on what we say, for example--
"Writers, this month our keyword
is "Carrots". As long as carrots
are mentioned in some way, what
you do is your business.
Otherwise we'll ask you to redo the
piece by the deadline, or you'll be
disqualified. Be ready for all
circumstances, if you are offended
by bad words or uncouth
individuals, don't submit.

3) Please take this contest
seriously, if you don't want to in
the best case scenario write five
pieces 500 words or more for us,
then don't bother submitting for
the contest. There are plenty of
others who would like to make the
final ten, who want the exposure
and chance for the column.